"Each of us has phases in life, and each one can be seen as part of our destiny. If you are happy, consider yourself lucky. If you’re not, go find what’s missing and fill that gap with what you need."
Honestly, I’m at a point in my life where I feel completely lost. I’m still in my teens, and I have no idea what I should be doing with my life. I wonder, can I be happy? Can I avoid making mistakes so I don’t end up battling the confusion in my mind? Can I have a better life? Can I be successful? What if I can’t do anything? What if I stay stuck in my comfort zone, never progressing? I don’t have the answers because I’m feeling so lost.
Whenever I observe the happy people around me, they seem to have a clear purpose in life. They have goals that guide them toward success. I can’t help but think that having a goal is the true meaning of life.
We all begin our life journey from the moment we are conceived. As babies, we grow into happy kids, free from worries and negative thoughts. I remember enjoying those early years. Even as I entered adolescence, I felt like I was still in a happy phase. I rarely faced any difficult times as a teenager, probably because I had so many friends and made countless sweet memories with them. That was my happy phase.
But life changes. For me, the biggest shift came when I started to feel that love was something I needed. I used to have someone who liked me, cared for me, and texted me all the time. But suddenly, that person disappeared without any warning. I was left feeling anxious and alone, crying every day, wondering what I did wrong.
Even now, I still think about him sometimes. But slowly, I’m learning to move on. I’m trying to avoid distractions and hoping to become more mature and smarter in dealing with life’s challenges.
I’m also hoping to pursue my studies at university so I can build a fresh, new life. I want to meet new people and explore the world beyond my current environment. Whenever I see pictures of my older sister’s university life, I feel inspired—I have to get into university, no matter what!
But then, I wonder: If I do get into university and graduate, will I be able to find a good job? Or even a job at all? To be honest, I’m scared. I’m not great at communication, and I worry about how people perceive me. It’s not that I can’t talk to others, but I struggle with awkwardness. I’m really shy, and social interactions are hard for me. Yes, I’m socially awkward.
So, what should I do? I feel insecure about my confidence. I’m afraid that if I can’t find a job, I won’t be able to earn money. And without money, how will I survive? What will happen to me, Sofia? And I haven’t even started thinking about marriage—how will I ever share my life with someone? It’s a lot to think about, and sometimes, it overwhelms me.
That’s why I know I have to learn and study hard. I need to grow up and become independent. I really hope I can overcome my social awkwardness and improve my communication skills. I’m determined to keep going, Sofia.
Today is May 5th, 2017. This is the story of my life so far—my phase of life. I’m still a teenager, but soon I’ll be in my twenties. I’m still that childish kid who doesn’t fully understand what life is about, but I’m hoping to create new memories in the next phase of my life, if God wills.
Back to the quote I mentioned earlier: Everything that happens is already part of our destiny. Whatever stories you’ve lived through, face them and embrace them. The journey you’ve chosen is what makes you who you are today. But if you’re not happy with it, keep striving to improve your life.
Thank you for taking the time to read this personal, yet not-so-personal story. I appreciate it more than you know.
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